I'm a fan because..................I don't know the real reason, it was all normal until some time ago , in a moment all my certainties have fallen, something has changed me unexpectedly. For a moment I've lost my control, I've cried publicly like I've not done before and this strong fear to not see his face, not feel his love does made me understand many things that were stuck in me and there aren' t enough words to explain how I feel , the love comes by God. For me Love is not ever been just a word .Love is not possession, is trust , liberty, comprehension,protection, security. Love,for me, is detachment from the immediate material possession , it's elevation to the sublime of the soul and mind. I feel like a failure when I cannot in this . It's impossible choose who love, to love is my life,I like to make happy the other and I'm happy when someone likes something that I do. I like to see smile the people, I don't like seeing suffer the people, especially the children, they are the most precious treasure that the life can give us. The most precious treasure to protect ! I often don't listen myself , that I want, only for love of someone, and only the power of love can forgive everything. When I listen his voice I close instinctively my eyes and I feel fly away.......................When I see Michael I become unable to move, to think other, sometime I can not breath and my heart becomes uncontrollable, serene, I like so much stay alone listening him , I feel in ecstasy and I don't need nothing else! I don't know because happens but it's beautiful so! I feel the sweet melody of his voice caresses my face and I let me go away. I'm out from the rest of the world. I like thinking to feel his soul, his heart ,I feel a inundation of emotions unstoppable, I feel free to be myself, I don' t feel obliged. He's able to tame my rebellious mind, I don't never satisfied for the ordinary ! I love watch his face , his dance. I like read in his eyes very much. My emotions became independent from my reason, my soul isn' t more mine. I' m always thirsty of his music , I feel that I must listen, follow him and enough good or bad, no matter, otherwise there isn' t peace inside me, I feel restless. I see a simple man but special , His language is very easy and clear, I like it. I love pick every instant while I listen him, I feel inside in every single note. Every time I feel excited like the first time, I ' m not tired never, I feel in balance. I believe that nobody can understand me. It' s a thought that I' ve inside me from very, very time. I love to fly far away with my mind in his music. I can' t start at the morning, end a day without his music , Michael gives me energy , I was afraid to lose him forever, I felt lost, this has changed something inside me, I' ve felt a great scare but it was only a moment...He' s the maxim aspiration of my life. I love sing his songs but I' m very very timid , I like singing his songs only for my children, They are the only one reason of my life and there is one music for my ears : Michael 's voice!! I love listen him in silence ,it' s a unique moment, it' s like being on the line with him!! Somebody tells me that I' m strange and this is not good because I' m not more a little girl, I must grow, I'm a wife , I'm a mother but I like to teach to my children to love simple things, I think that is not bad.I feel a deep devotion for him from always that I can't to control and to feel the love it' snt never a mistake, it' s not dirty never.I can' t live without to love. It's not bad if I like play with my children ,if I like watching the cartoons with they, if I like to watch my prefer cartoons more than anything else, if I don' t love material things, those make change people's heart for desire of possession. I don' t want leave die my infantile spirit, I believe that thinking like a child it does see the things in real mode and maybe because I ' ve never been really a little girl. I' ve brought the weight of the responsibility of faults not mine from child without a moment of love and comprehension. It'snt easy grow with who says you that you're wrong , bacause you think in a different mode, if you like the reflection and I hated myself and the entire world for this .I've spent much time of my life trying to understand what was wrong in me !! I feel to love my dreams very much, they' re my refuge, the escapism !!! Michael is the calm for my soul, the light in the dark, a important reference. I'm from always a fish out from the water, I feel a bird in a cage , I've always screamed in silence in all my life, I have often felt my heavy heart. Often it's difficult to make understand me to others. I ask excuse for my pathetic expression but I' m this. I like Michael for a reason or perhaps many reasons, I don 't know the real reason,maybe because I' ve lived similar situations in my life, often the events of my life coincide with those of his and he is a reference always, that nobody around can give me. I can tell only that much time ago I felt a strong spark through his eyes , his voice, his dance , his words, his music . It came and enough ! Many years ago it was instinctive follow him, I was only a little girl ,I wanted his consideration, I wanted be among his inspirations so much , I wanted give him the better of me but I felt inferior to him and the rest of the world. I never would had his consideration because he was a great artist, much great for me. I closed in a drawer my deep dream to meet him and to create something special with him. I said to me that It was only a child's dream. I've believed to repress the desire because I was not able to overcome my sense of inferiority to the world . I wanted become a mother, this it was most important for me. I' ve controlled my passion and It was what I always believed. Now my life is asking me to pay , I need of his encouragement to go again, I can' t do it alone, I feel helpless without it , like a vegetable, I feel insignificant........ I feel died inside........I' m not so strong how I make believe to all. Everyone around me thinks that I don't cry never , but it isn't so . This faith is very important for me, it's my force. I've spent a lifetime hoping that someone says me " I love you " I believe no one has loved me really. I've never felt an embrace really with love . But then I think I don't blame if no one is able to catch my heart deeply , if I' ve not found the other part of my mind . Now I feel much tired His music is my way out , his words arrive always when I feel in difficulty. I've lived moments of deep depression, many times I prayed to die and his music it was always important for me, I've thought this it was sent by God for help me and I don' t ever want go back in the darkness of my insecurities, in the solitude of my soul. He' s very funny, gives me peace of mind, Michael makes smile me. I see that he makes feel loved the people that are with him. He protects who loves , don't puts them in danger. His voice makes feel me well. I love when he says " baby"; no one ,in my life ,ever told me this word ! I prefer continue to love him in my silence because I hate the confusion and the fanaticism. But now that silence doesn' t leave peace me, why not more ? It' s something very strong, a constant scream in my ears, It's a constant weight on my stomach, like in this moment while I'm writing... I must keep it inside me, it' s choking ,maybe because I' m very ,very tired of those who continue to dirty his image and the invasion of useless and silly comments, only because heard from other.I don' t like who say " I love him ", but continue to believe at everything about him in a moment, without reflection. They talk , talk , talk but don't say nothing , they dig into his life, everybody claim to know the truth , like a " freak "! NO !!! I hate this so much, I don't see Michael in this way ! I don't ever felt a only dubious in my own heart about him and I believe If who feels to love someone he just wants to protect. I feel always a great knot in my stomach and a strong fist in the chest .......................I want to scream....... I don' t need of his piece, his star, it' snt enough, I don' t like this,I like thinking to feel his heart !!! I want escape from all this confusion , it'snt for me. The change has upset me deeply, maybe I wasn't ready. I don' t like express my feelings in public, I don't like being visible but I' ve felt to do it, it' s been more strong of me. I've felt the sensation that my wings were tied . It' s like if I watch myself in a mirror , whatever thing happens to me it drives me to search him, from more simple at more difficult. I pray because I would be not so much sensitive to his person.Why do I feel bonded to him ? I can go away thousand times but I always go back to search him and his music, I can' t get away from myself. He 's so unreachable, we fly in the same sky , biologically similar but in a different dimension, often I heard we 've lived the same pains but like parellel lines that will not meet never, but I feel I would trying to reach him , dreaming ,trying to understand . I know, I' ll continue to suffer in my silence and alone. I like showing me happy and smiling, but inside in reality I'm different, I' m afraid , I' m sad but only because maybe I couldn' t feel his energy , his words, his courage, I couldn' t see his face never again, I don' t matter of his appearance, because I need his presence in my life in every mode that it's possible. This passion is like a fire untamed inside me, you cannot close your emotions inside you forever and to make believe to all to not have weaknesses. I must hide it and this does suffer me I didn' t chose to love him ! I believe that we are all called by God for one mission,only he knows the game and we must only obey, and to try to understand what he want by us, not fight the destiny never again. I feel to believe in him, I feel him like a reference for my life, the certainty, my teacher, my best friend, the only one, although he isn' t materially, like I would ; I' ve learned from him not be afraid of everything, to believe in myself always. It's like if he understands that part of me that no one hears never, what I think , what I feel, it' s like if he is with me from always,what I need to be well, like if he knows me. He doesn't make me feel wrong, different. He has always demonstrated character, great intelligence, example of morality and I need of this in my life. I love be caught by his play very much, it' s exciting. I like playing but now I cannot have fun. It's very hard for my sensitivity. I' m not an easy woman to impress, almost impossible,but that happens now I can't support, I'm very consumed from my life. He' s the one man more sensitive and creative that surprises always my difficult and introvert character , often the people judge me very demanding , complicated and I always feel alone for this reason... I love his psychology, it drives me crazy, He makes me smile, cry, die , fun, he's an explosion of ideas for me !!! He' s a incredible man , he hasn' t changed with time. He can change my sadness in a smile. He' s really special for me, when I think that all is finished, he returns in my life and he amazes me more, but I often feel a suffering for his long absences . I don' t want to give an opinion about him , I' m nobody to do it, I don' t want be offensive in someway, I feel a great respect for him, I believe that no matter what I think of him, what I feel , many people say, say already everything, also more, before me ; I couldn' t say something special. I' m trying to write only about what happenes to me when I watch and I listen him and nothing else. I need to write day after day, I' m living a relentless storm , I don' t know why, I don' t know more how stop it, I can' t go more back as before...............and yet I' ve always been able to control this my passion before......This confusion disturbs me,I need of peace in my soul , I feel hurt every time but nothing can change my faith, it' s a important part of my life !!! I' ll continue to protect inside me that I feel and I think of him. Maybe I only need to listen his words again or I only need to hold his hand,of his presence in my life......to fight, to win again. I don' t know,I don' t understand,now I feel undefended, alone in the crowd. I believe in my dreams again, my dream to see his face, to hold our hands and speak, speak to the infinity.......I would look his eyes and try to understand what about him makes me weak and strong in the same moment . I 've felt always to love the man behind that mask, I love his heart. All those news about him hurt me,I feel a needle in a haystack. I seem to live a nightmare where I scream in the dark but no one hears me....................and I' m searching the only one hand that can take me out ! But maybe it's only my illusion .I ask excuse for this my outburst, I' ve repressed my emotions for much, much time,I can't live with this regret more, I feel consumed inside and I would turn this page of my life, don't judge me infantile, please, I would stay alone with these my thoughts without peace.........I know that I 'll continue to search your love, your words, those that nobody has ever said to me, if the way is still long, I must , I need only you to continue my way......no one knows how much I need your love.....and if God doesn't want that I join hand with your, if you'll never know what you mean for me, if all is ended no matter, I'll not fight against his will but nothing will prevent to love you ! You are like a religion for me and I' ll continue to pray that he listens me . I love you so deeply and I just can' t surrender to live without your love.....The only one......You've teached me to fly , to understand who I am and I can't stop me, not now......should be the end , I ask you to not leave me without your love , if you can , the world's ills hurt me everyday ,I feel scared again , I'm scared to not see you ever more, this thought terrorizes me, I feel nothing without you I can't accept other, I've tried but how is possible to forget or replace who you feel to love so deeply? Please help me because I can' t do it !! Only You can be so surprising, unforeseeable, so perfect , so right !!! You make me invincible....you are my spellbound place and I don't want dirty it for no reason. My love for you is a gift by God and I cannot lose it for nothing at world , I don't live good, whatever happens I trust only in you.....my heart trusts blindly only in you ! I continue to fly with your music .......You are the only one my sweetest obsession , my only one temptation that I can't control,maybe because I need of that I feel to not fall down in the darkness. I can't lose the hope , I know , I' ll wait for that you surprise me again because for you nothing is impossible......You are the most beautiful bird that I've seen fly in the sky , it's right that a bird so beautiful must have the wings free to fly..........a wonderful bird that I see flying from far away and that I can't touch his love with my hand and I'll always wait for it looks me and it can feel my heart ! I love so much follow your free flight , also if ..........Alone , in the magic of my silence.........but I understand that I'll not be never alone really if I have always you in my heart.....I could be in the deepest hell but I' ll always have the force to get up till I'll feel Love for you . Dear Michael, I love you so much!

I would ask excuse again if in some expressions I was been rather direct, if I've dared , it' snt easy for me externalize my emotions , I'm not used but I wouldn't change a word , a punctuation of those I write everytime I feel to do it because I feel everything in the more deep of my heart , maybe I've felt a little silly , because I'm a dreamer, I still like to believe in fairy tales and maybe it was a mistake saying these things, I felt strongly that I must to give you something, also if I don't know what exactly . I spent a life searching those words , the love that only you can give to the world , and only God Knows how long times I wanted to see your real face. I don't expect to be understood by anyone,only that who feels the same love could understand .This is only my mode that I've found and I' ve got to try giving voice to the weight that I bring from long time and to try to find peace inside me, I've always believed to be an insignificant and useless person and that if I ever met you in my life , you couldn't see me , you wouldn't give me your consideration, I don't love to be visible, I prefer to be appreciated not for my expect but for something that understands who is like me, I don't think this is only an illusion ,and also if maybe now it's too late I would that you don't forget me and I want to say you at the same thank you for all that you are , for the stimulus that you give me in my life and that you make for this world , I think you are a example of culture to follow . I've learned so much from you and I want to continue, I think you are a special person like few in this world. Sometimes I think to who have had the good fortune to knowing a person with a similar noble soul , rare in this world ,and they didn't understand that treasure they had "between their hands", while people like me can only to watch! I hope that you'll forgive me if I can't say better and more. These are only my thoughts ! With love ... Forever....with all my heart.....Thanks!