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Lots of thoughts on MJ -- I just have to write and share this with you (his fans) or I can't live on...

I cry over his death cuz we'll never see another Angel walking on earth again. Yet I had him until I was 21 years old, I knew him and saw his work listened to his music and had friends that were really fond of him, but I never liked him. I actually didn't like him until a month ago (March 2011) cuz I've been hearing so much about him. So I began to look at his stuffs and found out what made him so charming!!! Yeah I lived under the rock my whole life.

About almost a week after I started looking into his stuffs, suddenly I just broke down and cried cuz I finally understood why so many ppl cried about his passing, he died way too young, he looked so beautiful, youthful and still had so much to offer when he died. He was taken from us by those greedy devils. His passing was indeed a great human loss.

Apparently some ppl (if they are really still human), For example the owner of this website thought Michael passed the threshold of worth more dead than alive, and knew exactly how many ppl in the world loved him, plus Michael owned 50% of the owner of this website. Fully knowing the more cruel way an artist died the more grief will turn into profits. So the end result was he wasn't even allowed to say goodbye to his family, children, and fans, and I don't even know if he knew he would never wake up again on the night he died. He awakened on the other side. This is why I don't buy any new things about him, we all should just download or buy his previous released stuffs second handedly.

I know Michel half-participated in the conspiracy that killed and robbed him at death. But just like what Jermaine said in the Larry King interview, “I wish it was me lying there. ’They’ don't see the person who Michael was; ‘they’ only saw him as a product. Michael should still be here with us, and no matter what the charge that ‘Dr.’ (if he is still a doctor) was convicted, Michael can’t come back. ‘They’ knew Michael had dependency on drugs, so 'they' found a way to kill him.” Jermaine didn't believe Michael wanted to die, "Michael loved life, if a fly comes in he'll open the window and let it fly out." I believe in these words totally. Sometimes I wonder if I had known Michael all my life or when he was still alive, would his fate be changed?? Be taken even earlier, or be able to live a full life?? Hopefully is the later.

Michael Jackson devoted his life to the entire world, he gave us the music, the dance, calling us to make a change, heal the world. He was a gentle, pure, yet tortured soul. What hurts me the most is no matter what the positive messages he’s trying to convey in his songs or deeds, those messages didn't cross into the minds of those devils who murdered him.

On the other hand, Michael had said that the tradition of great artists usually have a very very sad end, cuz the “company” do take advantage of them. And he was quoted speaking to both Lisa Maire Presley and the son of Deepak Chopra that he rather go like Elvis, instead of Marlon Brando. It is not clear if he unconsciously lived up to his premonition. Funny cuz Elvis’ death was ruled accidental overdose, yet Michael’s was ruled homicide… But anyone know you would be out of your mind if the only way that kept you going in life or sleep at night was through drugs. I will never understand as long as I live why Michael didn’t seek help, lived in denial, isolated himself from family and true friends, nor does why his mother didn’t step in to help her son. Nor does why his children didn’t call 911 earlier to save their dad. Even dogs or a 3-year-old can call 911 to save its owner and ppl’s life.

I wonder if Michael sees his family’s reaction and our reactions to his death now, would he changed his mind on keep depending on those drugs? But I think for someone as intelligent as Michael he must have known how much he meant to this world, even though he felt like the whole world turned its back on him.

We all know for a fact that someone else initiated Michael Jackson’s death; his death rescued the music industry, or his "company" again, made TVs high-ratings, magazines were able to sell various commemorate issues, and boosts in sales of newspapers. His death also made those devils millionaires/billionaires in a mere one year period. His will was forged; his family according to Katherine hasn’t received a “penny” from his estate since his death. The beneficiary of his insurance goes to AEG, yet AEG claimed that they weren't aware of Michael’s drug use, when his insurance covered “overdose” and “Dr. Murder” was assigned to him by AEG. He was exploited completely as an artist and a person. This is how selfless Michael was, and how he sacrificed his life for everyone. He was here to show us both the good and evil side of human being.

I am just glad that at least when Michael died, he was happy preparing for those comeback concerts, he couldn’t be happier even though he knew that he probably would never make it. I believe he rather die than not doing something he loves and feels most comfortable about, instead of keeping a low profile and always being taunted by ppl who don’t have a life. He gave his life to the world. It is only at his death will make the world realize how important and precious the person he was, be fully vindicated, opened himself to the new audience and be bigger in death than in life.

Death has a lot of definition, clinically, biologically or spiritually. You could be clinically dead (the state when paramedics found him), but not biologically dead yet, your body is not dead until 24 hours after you are pronounced dead. The brain could be dead, but the organs are alive, this is why you can donate your organs to another person after you die. I somehow wish Michael could donated his organs so he would continue to live on… According to the doctors in emergency room, Michael was revived at a slow heart beat for 10 minutes before the medics lost him. This is why his father Joe filed a wrongful death suit against “Dr. Murder”. Had Michael arrived to the hospital earlier, chances are he could be still here with us. But just like La Toya had said, "Maybe God wanted him there with him". Michael’s spirit could be summoned by God by the time paramedics found him, it has left his body and there was nothing modern medicine could do to restore life back into his body.

When paramedics found Michael, his room was on heater and there was fire in the furnace. The room was hot, now “they” claim that Michael was cold due to the heavy drug use. But whoever has some common knowledge would know that people tend to survive better in the cold weathers/environments. Another contribution to his death is due to Michael was not in a healthy state, he wasn’t eating anything. “They” deliberately made sure that Michael would not survive. “They” injected him the amount of Propofol (powerful anesthetic) that would be used in major surgery without the consent of Michael. Is this their "mercy"??? To let Michael painless when he dies… Who do “they” think "they" are to decide ppl’s life and death????? “They” made sure Michael was clinically died (eyes dilated due to relax of muscle) for 20 minutes, or even up to a few hours before "they" called 911. A precious life just slipped away.

I can’t imagine the pain his family must felt going through these trials. Seeing that “Dr.” and his lawyers…etc laughed at court as Jermaine said.

My friend cried for two days after she learned about his passing back in 09, I remembered I had a thought of "Why it wasn't his father or one of his brothers?" (No offense) when I learned the news and "I don't want to live in a world without Michael Jackson" even though I wasn't his fan back then. I was able to cope with his death cuz my mom told me it was his time. 2 years after his death, the more I learn about him and his death, the grief I feel right now is incomparable. How could we live in a world when people care nothing but money, greed and lies as Michael experienced?

Somehow I feel betrayed by Michael, just like what Jermaine said when he saw Michael lying in the hospital “How could you leave me??” Yeah Michael, how could you leave us when the world needs you the most??? When you should still be around for at least 3 decades??? Why didn’t you take care of your body for us, at least for your family and children??? Why maybe any day would be a good day for you to die cuz there’s nothing else in this world you haven’t experienced (except watching your children grow up and grow old), been through the highest an artist could only dream of, and been through the lowest an artist could ever experienced. Yet you still left us and gone on to another journey without notice???? Michael Jackson in my opinion is very very selfish and stubborn in some way. If I can talk to him right now, I want to ask him are you happy now that the world is forever yours?? that we are forever yous??

Just like I said I don’t know if he completely understands the magnitude of ppl’s grief and sorrow about his passing. We are not just crying like we lost a brother the way Michael described when ppl heard MLK was killed in his book Moonwalk. To some of us it felt like the world has fell apart, coming to an end, and life is meaningless without him. He basically had the power to make ppl despair cuz he was unreal, he was magic. I feel just like his little brother Randy said, “It makes me don’t want to do anything for a year.” But our life has to continue, and there’s nothing we can do to bring him back.

I question God again and again in this past month, Why?? Why wasn’t I privileged enough to witness one of his concerts, to get a glimpse of him, or to know him personally?? Why wasn't I born in his era??? If I could be 10 years older than I am now, I would have more memories of him!! Why can't I go back in time and save him?? Why when there are genuine ppl who love him and will treat him with his best interests at heart but has no connection to get close to him, he was always approached by ppl who wanted a piece of him and able to surround himself with all the enablers and murders at the time of his death??? Why Michael?? Why was he taken away from us in such a cruel and tragic way???? Why do I officially have to live in a world without him when I finally learn to appreciate him? And when my career and my life are just about to began, I have to know that someone as good as him was murdered due to the evil and shady side of business. That this world is full of lies, copycats, inner-pessimists, ppl who are devoured by jealousy, and materialism???

I AM tho, happy that it’s better to know now than never, and it’s never too late to know about something, especially Michael Jackson. I like the lines someone wrote, “God broke our hearts to prove to us, he only takes the best”. He's really gone too soon. The world is lonely and dark without Michael, but he was here to make the world a better place, and left us invaluable gifts for generations to share and enjoy. That is the legacy and mission we all should carry on. We all die at some point of our life, we don’t get to choose the way and time we die, but the thing with Michael is different, because Michael Jackson is forever. And we will never say goodbye.

4/15/11

Comments (3)

Venay:
Thank you for your kind words. I promised myself that after writing this post I will not weep for him again. I want to celebrate what he's achieved in his life and remembered the wonderfulness, silliness and loveliness the person he was. I want to smile when I think about him for rest of my life. Even though his life was purposely cut short and we are all robbed of what he could still be contributing to the world for years to come.

I found comfort in the lyrics of Judith Hill's song, "I will always be missing you, Michael, cause you changed my life for the better. Your love will last forever in my heart." I think the pain I'm feeling right now is due to I didn't experience the time and the grieving period as everyone else did back in 09... I have no idea how I would deal with it if I had known him tho. And it's true my life wasn't affected until I came to known him, but this is also why I feel this immeasurable sadness!!!! cuz I forever lost the chance to know him while he was here, forever lost the chance to know how it actually feels like to have him around while I was younger (I knew him but didn't know him well). My heart still bleeds!!

I know it really sucked that some ppl say even an artist with Michael's stature, cannot escape the fate of being killed at young age. Then what's the point of being the best?? However, after discussing with my cousin, if you really are the person who strives to be the pioneer, to be the best of the best, you will not say such words. We should all still, trying to be the best in whatever we do, no matter the end result. Cuz at least we would be recognized, loved and respected. Be able to live life to the fullest while we are here on Earth.

He was a true human being and if there are more ppl like him, or Princess Diana, JFK, MLK, Ghandi...etc, this world will be a better place. Only good ppl die young, those greedy, malicious, old f@rts are the one that scared about losing their lives and will scream and cry for their life like pu$$ies. Their long lives are actually torture, disdainful and disgusted, just wait until the time they face God. I also found out that the more you are loved the more likely you'll be assassinated......

I want to trade my life for his cuz I do not have the power, money, and the abilities he had to make a world a better place. For realz. My friend said I think too much. But this is who I am. I tend to think too much. Things are weird about Michael, I know he had gone on a journey that will never return, but I can still feel his presence everywhere. He really is spiritually here forever. I somehow feel like he will reincarnate, wake up, just maybe not in our life time. It is still unreal and unbelievable to think Michael is gone.

I think anyone, even ppl who know nothing about Michael is sad about his passing, only those who will benefit from his passing are the happy ones. For example, like the owner of this website, AEG, and the ones that are running his estate. Every time I think about what happened to Michael my heart and mind are ripped into pieces, and it felt like needles are poking all over the place in my heart. I really can go on and on about him....

I know he will forever exist in videos, pictures, and music and in my heart. But just like Liz Taylor said, this is not enough!! I just wish Michael was happy!! That's all.... It's really lame that we all have to live in this time period that witness his passing.... Sad((( Just like Stevie Wonder said, "This is the time I don't wish to live to see." I will visit Forest Lawn next time I'm in LA...... I will try to heal my now wounded heart forever....

4/16/11

Oh wow....Vicy.....lots of emotion and heartache in your post......

And reading it brings back so many memories of how this forum was nearly two years ago.....a repository for all of our grief, pain and sadness. And here is where we found solace amongst kindred souls.

It saddens me though, to know that maybe you've not found what I and so many others found here as this site is a mere ghost of what it used to be. I'm hoping you've found some healing by pouring your soul out and just want to tell you not to carry any burden of guilt for not knowing Michael sooner nor for not being part of the generation that did.

What matters is that you know Michael NOW and I welcome you to the fan-mily. I do wish however, that I could somehow take you back to that time before YT, cell phones, PC's and the internet....a time when the Jackson's were all over 70's television and on the AM radio charts.....it was a wondrous time and I feel for those that have only just discovered Michael but I'm thankful for them at the same time, because they (you) are the ones that will carry on his legacy. Sad to say, us "old schoolers" are moving into the autumn of our lives and at times, we feel ourselves "fading"....oh we try not too, but we are, little by little. It's disheartening but then such is the way of lfe.

I don't know if any of us will ever know the absolute truth surrounding Michael's death as none of us trust the media to which we are dependent upon for information. Only time will tell.

It's a difficult and singularly personal road each of us follow in our grieving process and there are days I still struggle with learning to balance the sadness with celebrating his life and some days are definitely better than others.

It is my hope and prayer that you find balance my friend but know that the process will take as long as you need it too, OK? I hope you felt somewhat unburdened by sharing your feelings here. If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. I still haunt this forum even though the deep emotions, the passion and the healing comaraderie that was once here is but a mere shadow now.

God's blessings to you my friend and it's my hope that you continue to discover the magic and love that was MIchael.

(((HUGS)))

I Can't Believe you dead Sad I can feel you alive Sad I miss u You Michael Jackson you know i dream it to be in you concert in Tunisia 1996 but that time i'm sick in hospital i can't move it from the bed and after that i don't get the chance to see you live
i hope to meet you one day brother ...
L.O.V.E you Michael Jackson! <3