Hello Musicprincess,
while i was reading your "Still so hard",my nose got kind of "sour" feeling..and tears keep coming out from my eyes cause i have the same feeling with you.
On youtube,i cry when i watching "Heal the world" scene with he visiting hospitals and orphanages.I cry when i watching "Smile" with all his smiling pictures.I cry when i listen to his"Childhood","she's out of my life","you are my life"..etc.
I cry when i think of how the press and tabloid hurt him all these years ever since he got Beatle's copyright ..he suffered a lot (all the songs tites in Invicible album can tell),they gave him long term mental torturing until now still haven't stopped.He suffered both Viltigo and lupus since 80s,these sickness made him feel really uncomfortable in both body and mentally yet he never showed it on public and keep doing his charities,helping other,even to those media who hurt him,he still in good manner,i pay my full respect to his super high EQ.They said he bleached his skin cause he shames of being black,said he slept in the oxygen chamber,said he was weird,said he was a child molester and in 93' he has to pay i think about $27 million for what he has never done.On the 03' again the same case..he really suffered a lot,polices treated him so badly,i cry when i watched the interview of he talked about how's the polices treated him,he said it with sorrow intsead of anger,this made my heart breaks into pieces,and cause of his kindhearted i respect and admire him from the bottom of my heart,this is real Michael Jackson,requite ingratitude with kindess,I will respectfully hold him as supreme.
Although later acquitted of all charges,his reputation would never recover..since then i can see "sorrow" in his eyes although he smiles.I know he would never be happy cause he's a perfectionist.In his childhood pictures,i see loneliness in his eyes.i think the bliss he had was his 3 children and fans support.He loves his neverland he ever said in his private home movie that he won't sell his neverland,Michael is neverland and neverland is Michael.Ahhhh...how deep the pain and the sad things those polices had given him,can made a Peter Pan never returned to his neverland.Cry........
Recent years..the press made him like he was a drugs addicted.They never thought of why he wanted to take all these?Does he wants to be like that?He ever said that he will never take drugs to harm his body.Those prescription medication was for insomia,pain relieve..i believe he has a bit of depression,so he took something like sedative which can help him to calm down nerves and release stress in order to sleep.
50 shows are waiting for him and he was a perfectionist,can imagine the presssure he had.And these shows are very important to him,cause all these years he just covered by bad news,this is the chance to bring back his brillance and show to his children who is the king of pop and how excellent their daddy was.I think he'll feel eternal regret of not be able to fulfill his wish,but on the other side i feel that he can finally avoid those who hurt him so deep,he don't have to suffer from now on and can finally rest in peace.But who know..still came out false autopsy report said that bridge of his nose has gone,needle riddles all over his body,said that he bald headed.2 days before his death we can see his real curly hair on his last rehearsal clip.These press....really can't help it.
But many readers choose to believe all his bad news,media has to hold the full responsibility.News being repeat and repeat will become so true just as what Michael ever said.
But for those who know him well will believe he's a great person.Actually can tell by the songs he wrote,people with bad personality won't wrote out "Heal the world","Earth song","we are the children"..etc.Some artistes like to act but this can't last long,act friendly and kind when on stage or when camera is on in public,in the opposite,they'll turn to another person not like Michael,he's always the same no matter when and where and i think he's the one and only star will invites his fans to his house.Like my story of him & his taiwanese fans,i think no one will believe me if i don't have pictures to prove it cause its really unimaginable.I saw many artistes would go shopping,spend $$ on his/her own by buying branded goods rather than spending $$ on the person whom he/she doesn't know and spending time visiting hospitals and orphanages.Yes,those artistes will do unless is going to show on TV.Michael ever said that he visits hospitals and orphanages as much as he does concerts but good news media don't cover,they want bad news.He said he did all these doesn't mean he wanted everyone to know,he did it with his sincerity and true heart.Actually those paparazzo knew well Michael has done a lot of charity but to be honest,i never read a single news about him doing charity on paper.
For us,he has already shared his brillance,and he gave us his entire life of music.
I'm a buddhist,always teach to be compassion,present with all respect,other come first than myself,all living things in this earth are equality,help as much as you can.All must with sincerity and true heart.
Michael has all these..he's not like other artiste..he's the outstanding one..that's why i love him and respect him so much.
The press keep on creating their own karma,the more they hurt him the more Michael gains good merits.
When i do my chanting i'll dedicate to him,i'll do whenever is good for him and his spirit.This is what i can do for him now and i think is the most important..his spirit to be happy and peace.

Michael has set an good example for the world,for all of us.He's one of my good teachers,taught me the principle of how to be a basic human being,i appreciate it with the bottom of my heart.

OMG!! I'm so Sorryyyyyyyyyy for being long winded. *.*"